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1,414 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
OK--- I know we are all getting older -
and with age some things dont work as good anymore -

Some things are not So noticeable and not a big deal -

Opps forgot to feed the dog - Is it Thursday or Friday ?

You know --Simple things --

I know this guy -We will call him Bob -

Bob has been making donuts for a Long Time -

Bob is a Donut making Master --The Mother Fcking King Quong of Donuts --

I asked Bob one day-

Bob - How the do you make the most Bestest Donuts on the Planet -

I mean- there is a Line of people 3 blocks long just sniffin in
that New Donut Smell -- MMM (sound of Homer Simpson drooling)

Bob looKed at me for a second -Stepped Back and did one
of the chin scratching things --(you know to show- your thinking)

Bob gives me another Quick look Up and Down -
and says --

I've been Making Donuts for My WHOLE LIFE -
There ain't Any Thing I dont Know about Donuts-

F-ck for all I know I Invented making Dounts -

I make Donuts rain or shine day and night -
EVERYDAY - Donuts -Donuts Donuts and More Donuts -

On my famous Sprinkle Dazzler there is 17 sprinkles -
Not 14 Not 20 --- 17 Sprinkles -- Period -

Sheet I will even make the sprinkles the color the customer wants
if they ask but I been dowin this so long I know what makes their
mouths water--- (sound of Homer Simpson Drooling again )

My famous Zip Zapper Zeppelin is known World Wide as the
Most Floatyyest Donut on the Planet -

My Star Spangle Boomer --- goes off in your stomach like --
Well --- like a Firecracker -- What a Rush --

Bob had this-- kind of Creepy look in his eye for a second and
then I heard this loud Farting sound --- woosh

So Bob went on telling me that it feels like he's been making Donuts
for at least a Century and he has had to hire some new help -

4 new guys --


Bob tells me that Frank Ottis and Rod are a good crew -
Sharp as a tack -do things the way Bob wants it done -

But Not afraid to try new things but before a customer gets
to wrap their lips around a Donut that came from Bobs -

It Better have gotten the OK from BOB Personally -Period -

Well-- Dave is another matter Completely -

Dave is a OK Donut maker but he has the thing about
the paper Donut bags and the electric stapler --

I mean its a Simple Thing --
Put the Donuts in the paper bag and put one staple to hold
the bag closed - Simple Logic - No E Stein needed -

Dont want Donuts falling out of the bag --makes a Fcking mess --

Well when Dave puts the Donuts the bag -

He does the Crazy Chicken Strut dance move -
( its actually pretty Sweet to watch-- many smooth moves)

But then Dave goes APE SHEET with the Electric Stapler -

I mean like CRAZY Wack Slappyyy --

One Donut in a bag -

Dave puts the Donut in the Center of the bag
and puts like 87 staples Completely Surrounding
the Donut with staples slam jam tight in the bag -

Kind of like
YOU MF DONUT ain't gettin out of here -
Wooo --

Bobs cool with the Chicken Dance thing-

but he has tried to explain to Dave for the Customer
to EAT a Zip Zapper Zeppelin
they have to be able to-- OPEN the Fcking Bag ---

Well -- Dave kept doing the Crazy Staple thing and
Bob had to let him go - OucH

I heard Dave moved up North and got a job
with a car company something -

On Daves job application he must have put he can Keep things Shut
like a MoFo -

Car company decided -We got Frecking Engineer material here -

So Dave was put as Head Designer in charge of
Right Side Personal Egress Implementation of Rear Quadrant --
-- Known as RSPEIRQ --

Well I guess Dave must have had a office over in the Far corner -
Down the Long Dark Hallway with the flickering lights -

17th or 23rd door on the left - not quite sure

office with no phone or computer just a Fax -
Dave had a Fan - 3 speed that jiggles some Sweet Tunes -

So I ran into Dave last thursday -

He said they LOVE him at work -
a Year ago he Moved on to Head a New Department -

Over Sized Vehicle Extraneous Rail Transport Implementation -
--Known as OSVERTI --Sweet new fan too - Lots of Bass -

Dave was able to show me a picture of his design work
and fill me in on some details of design when he was in charge
of RSPEIRQ project design team -

Its a Twin 6 Foot Tall Steel Swing Open Door - Heavy Duty -

Has the door Opener EXACTLY 10 inches from the Floor -

and No Other way to open door from inside -

I mean How Sweet is that -

Zip Zapper Zeppelin 87 Stapler Dave at work --

(Ps-- whats wrong in the drawing too )


· Registered
14 Posts
I think I experienced Dave's Father, the MAD GLUER. In the food warehouse where I worked they used to put a little glue on the boxes of #10 cans so that they wouldn't slide on the pallet in shipping. I would go to pick one up and all I would get was a handful of cardboard and 6 loose cans. The bottom of the box would still be glued securely to the boxes below it. THAT BOX AIN"T GONNA SLIDE ANYWHERE.
We gotta get someone to invent a tool that fits inta that hole so us guys with arthritis can get outta the back door.

· Registered
2,286 Posts
Be glad there IS a way to get out the back- back in the 80's sometime I had a company AWD Astro Van. One morning I had driven 3 hours to Atlanta, arrived a little early so I went in the back door to check something in my luggage.
The wind blew the door shut.
That was when I discovered there was NO way to open it from the inside!
There was a cargo barrier installed behind the front seats- the catch to open the side door was beyond my reach through the gap beside the sliding door.
Luckily I rummaged around in my tools and found something to reach the catch and trip the side door- I often pondered what I'd have done if I couldn't reach that catch and was at a remote comm site in the middle of the woods somewhere...I guess I'd have broken the window to get out.
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· Registered
501 Posts
I would say that whoever designed that thing has a vivid imagination. The executive that approved it does, too.
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